We think that this one is important to share as it is all too common and many people still carry phobias from early dental experiences. I wouldn’t know of course …..

Dear Heliotrope,

After a few trials and errors, I finally found a good dentist for my strong-willed and very mature pre-teen. The dentist understands children and my child cooperates well with him, even for tooth extractions. When I brought him in this week for another tooth extraction (his baby teeth are messing up the alignment of his incoming teeth and he has one infected tooth), I discovered that the secretary had made a mistake and booked him with a new dentist. The new dentist seemed nice and confident, and as tooth extractions are familiar to my child, I decided to go ahead. I requested anesthetic gel prior to the anesthetic injection. The new dentist applied it, then without waiting said, “This may be a bit unpleasant”, and immediately stuck a needle deep into my son’s infected tooth. His moans were heart-wrenching (and this is NOT a kid who normally shows pain). Suddenly my son sat up, a look of deep betrayal on his face.

”

Are you going to do that again?” he asked.

“Well,” said the new dentist, “I need to do just one more.”

“No,” said my son. “I’m not going through that again.”

“Look,” the new dentist answered, “I told you it was going to be a bit unpleasant.”

My son said, “That wasn’t just ‘unpleasant’ – that hurt!”

And with that, my son got up and left.

I rushed out after him and begged him to come back. I thought we could arrange the anesthesia better for the rest of the treatment. He seemed to consider this, then (as he later explained) noticed that his tooth still hurt him even with the anesthetic inside. I promised to buy him something he really liked, but he just looked at me and said, “I don’t want a prize, I’m never going through that again. No way.” And with that, he left. (He later said that it hurt him for the next half-hour, and never became numb.) I couldn’t catch up to him, and anyway, the secretary came out and with an apologetic look on her face insisted that I pay for the bit of time he was here and for the medication that was used. So I did. I feel terrible about the whole thing. Was there something I could have done? What’s more, I can’t believe he ran away in the middle of a treatment, yet at the same time, I totally understand him! Now he is refusing to go do the dentist ever again, and he still needs all those teeth pulled.

Now that you know the whole megillah, please tell me what I should do!

Sincerely,

A Troubled Mother

Dear Mom,

I really understand your distress and your child’s. First, let’s sum up the situation:

- Your child experienced medical care that you both feel was substandard.

- Your child refused to continue with that medical care.

- Your child took the measures he felt needed to protect himself.

Let’s put things into perspective.

There is a great difference between a child having a tantrum and one that is self-aware and saying no. There is also a big difference in having to go through a treatment that pain can’t be helped and one in which it can. Your child had other similar dental treatments with no problem.

It’s important that your child feels supported in refusing what he felt to be inappropriate treatment. He wasn’t having a tantrum, he was protecting himself. This shows a good sense of self. It is important for people to learn to be responsible medical consumers.

But how do we proceed from this point?

Have a calm talk with him….

Let him know that you understand him and support him, BUT that he needs and deserves good dental treatment or the problem will just get worse. Take this opportunity to encourage him to be a smart medical consumer. Many people put off important treatments due to the negative experiences they suffered as children. Even as adults, we still sometimes settle for poor quality medical care. It’s important for medical consumers to stand up for themselves, and that skill is something your child is now learning and needs to be shown how to do it smart.

Problem solve with him….

Remind him that he had good exeriences and services with his regular dentist and that there is no reason that this shouldn’t continue. Assure him that he does not need to go to the dentist that gave him poor service and that you will assure that he only sees his regular dentist. Let him feel comfortable to start off his next appointment explaining what he didn’t like last time.

Call your child’s regular dentist and explain what happened and let your child know that you will be doing it. Emphasize how the child is now traumatized and needs to be dealt with extra sensitively in the next visit. (If the dentist feels he cannot deal with a traumatized child, then a dentist who can deal with your child’s situation needs to be found.) Letting your child know that you’ve spoken with his regular dentist provides the child with a feeling of security and the reassurance that Mother is not only on his side, but on top of things.

Here are two more reasons why it’s good for the primary dentist to know what happened.

A) He needs to be aware of how the staff is treating the patients, especially if he is head of
the clinic.

B) His name is associated with the clinic and he has given you good service. He deserves to understand the
reputation his fellow practitioners are creating.

It may ba a good time to discuss the importance of protecting ourselves. It is a good time to teach how to act assertively rather than angrily. You can even expand the topic by explaining that only people who protect themselves can then effectively protect others, and train others to protect themselves. They sometimes even become advocates for those who feel themselves powerless.

We hope you find these suggestions helpful. Please contact Heliotrope if you have any further questions or would simply like to tell us what happened in the end!

All the Best, Shoshana